girl covering her ears while parents argue

When a couple gets married, they go through  the “honeymoon phase”.. While the honeymoon phase will  end, it doesn’t mean that the couple will no longer lead a life full of happiness, joy, and contentment. However, with life throwing curve balls every now and then, a couple can expect that times will be more difficult, at times.In order to make it through them, the couple  must come together and put forth the effort to overcome the struggles with whichthey are presented .

Sometimes, couples show their true strength and are able to get through these tough times. Other couples, however, might crumble under the pressure and allow certain behaviors to enter into their relationship that begin to negatively affect their marriage. Here’s an example. Picture a couple that was not only happy, but also financially stable and in control of their income. One day, the husband loses his job and becomes dependent solely on his wife to provide financially until he can get back on his feet. Months pass and there is no work to be found. The couple begins to struggle, accrue debt, and begins living paycheck to paycheck. This leads to frequent arguments and feelings of resentment. 

The husband eventually finds a well-paying job, but it doesn’t help mend the feelings that have already begun to grow into larger issues. Sadly, that little hiccup led to the couple leading unhappy lives as those feelings of resentment continued to grow.

Although each couple handles their trials and tribulations differently, when certain behaviors or feelings develop and remain stagnant in a relationship, it might be an indicator that the couple won’t be able to maintain their marriage. In other instances, there are certain behaviors that although make marriage difficult, are easy to get past allowing a couple to move on and live happily together. If you’re wondering what these behaviors are that might serve as an indicator that a marriage won’t work out, read on below as we are sharing with you some information provided on behalf of Business Insider. After analyzing a study using information collected from John Gottman who is a psychologist from the University of Washington and Robert Levenson, a psychologist from the University of California-Berkley, the source identified four types of behaviors that were considered to be predictors of divorce. The four behaviors include:

  1. Contempt
  2. Criticism
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling 
  1. Contempt

If you’re wondering what contempt looks like, it involves someone who “sees their partner as someone who is beneath them rather than as an equal.” One example the source provided involved a spouse who went to the grocery store and accidentally picked up the wrong item their significant other needed to prepare their meal for that evening. Rather than being understanding to the fact that it was a mistake, the individual looked at their spouse as an “idiot” for not recognizing that they picked up the wrong item.

Basically, when contempt is an active behavior in a relationship, one person may always feel as though they are “smarter than, better than, or more sensitive than” their partner. This, in turn, can take a toll on a marriage.

  1. Criticism

When one spouse uses their partner’s behavior to form a critical statement about their character rather than just letting it be a habit, they begin to develop feelings of “resentment and contempt.” The example the source gave involved a person who constantly left their dirty cereal bowls lying around the house. Although many might consider this to be a bad habit, it doesn’t exactly tell what type of person the individual is who does it. However, a spouse who allows criticism into their marriage may say to themselves “Why am I staying with the type of person who abandons half-eaten cereal bowls around the house” rather than just letting them know to pick them up. And they may not only criticize their spouse for this habit, but others as well.

3. Defensiveness

A defensive spouse might be someone who is always “playing the victim in tough situations with their partner,” which makes it look as though their partner is always to blame when things go wrong. But if you are constantly making your partner feel as though they are the problem, eventually, they are going to develop feelings of their own toward your behavior which can truly impact the wellbeing of a relationship.

4. Stonewalling

The source refers to stonewalling as someone who blocks out conversations when things get rough. Rather than handle the matter accordingly, someone who stonewalls either finds something to distract themselves from the argument or engages in another activity just they don’t have to deal with the issue at hand. Hence, the problem is never resolved and only lingers until it comes time to revisit it again. And after the issue is beaten down and still not solved, it can become a tiresome process for both parties in the marriage.

Being in a committed relationship will be challenging at times.If you find that you are displaying more negative behavior toward your significant other as opposed to positive behavior, particularly those mentioned above, it might be an indicator that your marriage isn’t quite working out as you would have hoped. Does this mean you will get divorced? Not necessarily.  The assistance of therapists and counselors should be explored to address the issues and determine if the interaction of the parties and the relationship can be improved. Many couples who are able to work through their differences and come out with a stronger marriage.. However, if you are feeling as though your relationship is struggling and you would like to learn more about filing for divorce in Maryland along with other important information, you can always contact the Rockville, MD divorce attorneys at Barkley & Kennedy.

Our skilled MD divorce and family law lawyers are available to address any concerns you might have and assist you in any way possible while you work to determine whether you want to remain married or file for divorce

You can reach Barkley & Kennedy at:

51 Monroe Street, #1407

Rockville, MD 20850